A sadness that came over me…
Bursting into tears.
Weeping.
It’s been a long, long time…
Misunderstood and lonely.
No one to ever truly connect with.
Deeply…
Soul to soul.
My one true desire.
And yet, days later…
It doesn’t feel like mine anymore.
Sad, but also not.
Almost like…
Someone else’s grief.
So difficult to explain.
I don’t know what’s going on…
Never felt like this before.
I guess, it’s part of a transformation.
I only wonder…
What awaits on the other side of this?
I’ll wait and see.
-
-
The end of 2022 felt heavy.
Heavy with the burden of loneliness.
Unfulfilled desires and wishes.
But not all of them were meant to be.
That’s one thing to remember.
One of many.
I’ve forgotten again…
How far I’ve come.
What burdens and challenges I’ve overcome.
And how blessed I am, despite it all.
How incredibly strong I am.
Born with the ability to transform.
I could even say…
I’m addicted to transformation.
There’s no better feeling than allowing everything that’s heavy to fall.
See the lessons in the hardships.
At times, burn… to ashes.
Only to rise again, stronger than ever.
The light within.
Shining ever so brightly.
Pain turning into compassion.
Allowing forgiveness.
Embracing myself.
And the truth of life.
I continue learning.
Opening up myself more, to love.
And all the amazing gifts that come my way.
Finding ways to remind myself that I am more powerful than I ever allowed myself to be.
Looking back not just to find the faults in myself, other people and situations in the past.
But to find my true self again, before it all.
Unlearn.
Let go.
Beliefs and fears that were never mine.
Traits I thought belonged to my character.
No.
That is not I.
Let’s go find the real me.
In the rubble.
Beyond the remnants of days no more.
That’s gonna be tough work.
But I’m so excited…
I smile to myself as I sit alone.
My heart feels joy.
Brighter days are ahead.
And I feel closer than ever…
To something truly magical.
I am ready to receive.
Thank you. -
Do you even know the power of love for yourself?
It’s just…
Something else.
I could probably know all the languages of the world and still have no words to describe it…
So I’ll just say that…
It’s simply divine. -
Worship me…
This body…
It’s perfection.
Death is mine.
But so is life.
A special power.
I allow you to touch.
To have this divine flesh.
Approach with love.
The pleasure is mine.
You may enter my temple.
Fulfill your desire.
So beautiful…
Made of stardust.
My beloved.
It’s a gift.
A blessing.
A kiss of a god(ess). -
Remember to look back.
Not at the pain or regrets, but…
To honor your progress.
To appreciate how far you’ve come.
And what you’ve overcome. -
The hardest promises to keep are the ones we make to ourselves.
At least, this has been the case for me.
But I want you to know…
Don’t feel bad about not keeping those promises.
It’s easy to forget…
One moment you’re on top of the world.
You know you can do it.
You have the power.
And then…
Life knocks you down.
Fear and insecurities set in.
You feel different.
You do what you have to do.
Your thoughts take you to another realm.
You slip back into things you wanted to leave behind.
And then…
You judge yourself.
Feel bad about yourself.
Unworthy.
But you are…
Worthy and enough.
Being of love.
Just give yourself a helping hand.
To remember…
You’re strong.
It is up to you to make the changes you need in your life.
To strive and thrive.
And take back all…
All you thought that was lost within you.
But it was only asleep.
Waiting to be awoken.
Once more.
Trust.
Believe.
Embrace.
Love. -
I stood alone in the crowd
Held bags of stones in my hands
But I couldn’t let them go
Even if it was very heavyOriginally written in Lithuanian:
Vienas minioje stovėjau
Rankose maišus akmenų laikiau
Bet niekaip jų paleist negalėjau
Nors buvo labai sunku -
My heart flutters when I see this town.
Its shores washed by the Baltic Sea.
A strange pull that isn’t stopping.
Maybe a piece of my heart forever resides there.
And yet I don’t feel like living there.
But I feel like coming back.
At least once a year.
Walking on its streets.
Taking it all in.
Like strange magic.
Recharging my soul.
So until next time.
I’m coming home. -
And there will be no perfection…
Not in reflection of a mirror.
Not the walls.
Not the floor.
Not the door.
Not the windows.
Not in anything that’s ever meant to serve…
Inanimate objects made by man.
Until you grasp the perfection of mortality.
In the eternal saga of creation.
A rock, a bird, or a tree…
None seek perfection.
Yet they achieve it.
Simply by being.
It’s just humanity…
The one who judges and deems something…
Either perfect or imperfect.
Beautiful or ugly.
That in itself could be deemed a flaw.
And yet…
By design…
Even all the chaos, destruction and pain…
Are perfect.
As they are.
Perfection does not bend to morality.
It’s just humanity who seeks redemption.
In everything they could possibly find.
And in this desperation they fall blind.
Unable to see it right in front of them.
The beautiful being…
That they are.
And all the beauty that there is.
Always within reach.
With love. -
Every year there are moments when I wonder…
What will my life look like a year from now?
It’s all getting better and I feel stronger within myself with time.
But there’s another thing that gets stronger…
The longing to find someone to share my life with.
Someone who really gets me.
Someone I can do things with.
Bask in joy.
And never…
Never feel alone again.
It’s as if loneliness gets heavier with time.
And as much as I love being alone…
Feeling lonely isn’t it.
It’s nagging me more and more…
I just wish I could feel what it’s like to truly be loved.
Be the first choice.
Feel things I’ve never felt before.
Experience things I’ve never experienced before.
And never have my fears assure me again that I’ve fallen into a pit of dreams…
Dreams that so easily go up in smoke.
Get disappointed over and over again…
It seems so easy for many others.
Like it just happens.
Fate?
Destiny?
Magic?
I wonder why it doesn’t happen to me.
But I never stop dreaming…
Hoping…
Maybe…
One day…
Someday…
I’ll have someone beside me.
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