Honoring My Soul

I’m afraid.
In pain.
Letting myself down.
Over and over again.
Hiding pieces of me.
Staying silent.
Living in someone else’s fantasy.
Of me.
Of who, what and how I am.
Allowing it all to happen.

The bitter truth.
There’s nobody else to blame.
Just me.
I can’t control others.
But I can stop participating.
In this wretched illusion.
Like a double life.
Stuck in the past.
Replaying scenes that are long gone.
And will never return.

Everything’s so different now.
But they can’t see it.
They refuse to.
Thinking I’ve thrown myself into the trash.
Yet that can’t be further from reality.
Even if I’m disappointed in myself for not speaking up.
Afraid to hurt them.
To be rejected, shamed, insulted.
I’ve still done what I had to.
I keep walking forward.
Showing up for myself.

It would be easier if they were gone from my life.
But I’ll have to face my fears.
It all.
Show what I’m made of.
And love myself deeply.
Let go.
I’m honoring my soul.

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