Showing Up For Myself

Being myself feels like a quest of a lifetime.

Loving myself.
Staying true to myself.
Showing up for myself.
Standing up for myself.

It’s one of the hardest things to do—shining my own light in a world that keeps trying to shove me into a box and close it tight. I may not stand out. I may not be myself. Being me is wrong. My whole existence is wrong. Not normal.

I’ve failed so many times. I didn’t stand up for myself. I did not speak up. I’ve been afraid. I still am at times.

And that’s okay.

I’m learning. I’ve never loved myself like this before.

I often fail to look back and recognize how far I’ve come. Despite the fear and hesitation. I did do a lot of things to make sure that my light doesn’t fade into the grey thick fog or gets boxed up forever.

I am brave.

I am incredibly grateful for all the blessings in my life and all the people I’ve met who showed me kindness and provided support. On this journey of mine.

I am so powerful.

I couldn’t see it before. So strong and powerful that it’s almost hard to believe. A side of me that has been locked away inside me. Crucial to make me whole. Now becoming free.

Exploring the depths of me.
So incredibly beautiful.

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Life Is…

Life is…

…too short to not…

Give up caring what others think.
Stop worrying about things that don’t matter.
Stop doing what you hate.
Let go of fear.
End conformity and let your true self shine.

…too fragile to not…

Cherish every moment.
Savour the essence of life.
Allow love to enter your body and soul.
Stand tall for yourself and others.
Fight for what truly matters.

…too precious to not…

Open your eyes to the truth.
Feel joy even when facing pain and suffering.
Clear your heart of hatred.
Be kind.
Live.

P.S. Life always finds a way.

Reawakening

When I was a kid, maybe around 6 or 7 years old, I remember standing under a plum tree near my apartment building at the time. My hands touched the tree and I was thinking…

Why do I see things the way I see?

Why am I me?

It’s one of my earliest memories that I am sure wasn’t a dream. And yet, in my memory, I can see myself not only as I remember it—in first person’s view—but also as if I were a bird, flying above and looking at myself from the sky.

I try to see myself as another person would, but I always feel like I am being pushed back to look at myself like a bird does.

I never thought of why my memory is like this. I guess it doesn’t matter.

. . .

Later in life, around the beginning of my teen years, I remember being asked what I would want to achieve in life.

Or was it… what would I want to do when I grew up? It’s usually the latter question that children get asked.

It wasn’t things like becoming a police officer like my father anymore. As a small child, I never put thought into what I truly wished to become or do when I grew up.

As a teen, I had no profession or title in mind. I just remember thinking…

I want to be free. Free to do whatever I want and be happy.

So simple and pure. A straightforward guide. The foundation. The core that can help build the life I truly want.

But somewhere along the way…

I fell asleep.

. . .

In my twenties, I discovered truths that had changed my life forever.

I moved continents away from home and discovered new amazing things, including spirituality, and started making my way to…

Myself.

Yet, at 30 I found myself missing something. Even if my mind couldn’t grasp it at first.

You got what you wanted. You moved where you wanted to. You have a nicer place to live in and your career is progressing great.

Why are you not happy?

What is missing in your life?

For the first time in five years, I began to miss home.

Sounds simple, but it wasn’t.

Sure, I missed the beautiful plains, hills, woods and lakes, and the beautiful sandy beaches, but…

I soon began to realize that my soul was hungry.

Once more, I opened my eyes.

I was awake.

I could hear again what my heart was whispering. And learned why my soul was screaming. I just couldn’t hear any of it clearly.

And then I traveled back into my memories.

Why am I me?

And why am I here?

What is my purpose?

I lie awake now. Eyes wide open. Fixed on the target.

I shall continue my journey with a certain heart.

My spirit shall guide me.

Always improving and becoming better?

Yes, but that’s because…

I’m revealing my true self.

Would You Tell Hitler You Love Him?

When I was writing this piece, I ended up at the gates of compassion, love and forgiveness. You might be wondering…

What part does Hitler play in all of this? Didn’t he do horrible things and bring so much pain and devastation to people and the world?

I have contemplated on my writing and how I have expected to see a very different person behind my old pieces. However, I have realized that the only difference between the person from back then who wrote those pieces and the person I am now are my beliefs. Like layers, I have peeled them off in the past years revealing more of my core. And then I have come to a question:

Do we really change or do we simply peel off the layers of social conditioning and all the other things that hid us away, and start blooming like a flower?

Ultimately at our core, we are not bad. We just get covered up with junk that stops us from being our authentic selves. We might do unkind things sometimes, but we are not evil. And when I remember forgiveness, I start to wonder…

Do unforgivable acts really exist? Is there anything unforgivable at all?

Even the most atrocious, cruel and evil act can be forgiven by a truly loving soul. A soul in a state of unconditional love. That true and pure love for yourself, everything and everyone around you. The love of all that is.

After all this contemplation and several realizations, I’ve arrived at the doorstep of Adolf Hitler.

Despite all that he’s done (and imagine that you are a survivor of that time, that you’ve been in one of the camps and have endured unimaginable things, and that he is still alive) could you go to him, hug him, and say that you love him and forgive him and that it’s okay?

And if he’d come for you again, you’d fight with all you’ve got, just not for revenge and not from your own pain or anger, but to simply protect yourself. If need be, this time let his eyes close for good, but with love and compassion.

From here you can maybe already imagine the power a true unconditional love harbors. (If this example doesn’t work for you, imagine the person who has hurt you the most in your life.)

I don’t mean that what he’s done is okay. I don’t even mean that you should actually go and forgive someone in person or even let them know that you did at all. Just look at all those people who do bad things, who hurt others, who hurt you.

Look at them. Watch them. Observe them. Can’t you see?

All those layers. All that pain. All those disempowering beliefs.

Once you truly start seeing what’s behind all of those actions and masks that people wear, you will notice that you are no longer afraid of them or affected by them. That doesn’t make people less dangerous if they actually intend to do harm, but you will gain clarity and be able to prevent anyone from harming you on many levels.

By stepping into a state of being where all you see is love, you can be compassionate, you can forgive anything, you can see the beautiful cores hidden under the layers of pain, feeling not enough and many other disempowering beliefs.

Freedom is in love and so is power. True power.

Tomorrowland

I was watching a movie called Tomorrowland once. When it finally came to an end I’ve come to a realization. It hit me suddenly.

When people lose hope and when they give up, and when they forget their dreams and stop believing in themselves, then there is nothing else in the future, but an inevitable end of the world.

That’s what we see every day on the news and it’s a fact that there are raging wars and other unfortunate things tormenting our world.

The planet is dying!

That’s what we hear every day and what do many of us want to do? Not much. Just sit there and wait. Maybe there will be some excitement out of it? Like a zombie apocalypse. The world will end one day and we will all die anyway. Might as well sit back and watch the world burn.

What if I told you that Tomorrowland is possible? Peace is possible. A bright future is possible.

Sure, we won’t get along with everybody and we can’t please everybody. For now.

If all of us were taught different things than we are being taught now, we could grow tremendously as human beings and we could have peace. We could have a better world.

Someone who has found peace within their soul does not need to wage wars against others.

Call me idealistic. Delusional. Whatever else you want to call me. But I am a dreamer. Dreamers already live in Tomorrowland.

People who don’t give up and never lose hope are the ones who open the gates to a better future. They are the ones who are constantly changing the world. Just look around you.

And take a look at the mirror. Remember. You too are a dreamer.

The Embrace

Sometimes the embrace of the darkness within you may feel so soothing when things go wrong and your dreams start cracking or shatter altogether. The call of the shadows may sound so tempting inviting you to step over the edge and fall into the pit. The idea of just descending into the darkness may seem so easy and you may just want to let go. Hold on no longer.

The light lets go of you for a while, but not completely. It doesn’t go far away. It’s standing right beside you touching you briefly from time to time as the darkness puts its arms around you and embraces you. Both are there to help you ease the pain, to help you go through whatever you are going through. To help you stand up once more and keep going. Once you look up again, you see the light and it helps you up.

There is danger in letting the darkness hold you too long and too tight, because you may fall into the pit where the light has difficulty reaching you. As you stand the light embraces you and you step forward with hope and belief that everything is going to be okay. The darkness lets go, but it doesn’t disappear and is always ready to embrace you when you need it again.

The light and the darkness. Both are always there for you. Both are always within you. Both need to have their place in your heart and soul. Both can work together. When you walk forward holding the hands of both and dance together through the winds of life, you will find balance and harmony.

Jedi Are Real

A long time ago, after watching all the Star Wars movies at the time, I have realized that we all are potential Jedi. We all can learn the ways of the force. It’s all inside of us.

I have been on a spiritual journey for a while and just then I have realized that my path and all the teachings I was indulging in were pretty much my Jedi training. Whatever I had learned and unleashed from within – potential, my abilities, my skills, my energy, the power of my soul – it’s all ultimately forged into my very own lightsaber. My lightsaber is my tool of great power to clear and enlighten my path to even higher levels, to evolve, to protect, to teach.

I have also realized how attractive and tempting the dark side can be. Each of us has it in us. In Star Wars the dark side is often referred to as a path of no return, but it’s possible to turn back. Instead, I find that the path of light is a path of no return. The things I’ve learned and experienced. Bathing in light and happiness. I cannot imagine any way that would make it possible for me to go back to the person I was before all of this.

If I were a Jedi Master Moose, I would wear white robes and carry a white lightsaber. Or should I say… When I am a Jedi Master. We all can be Jedi Masters. Go on. Be yourself. Be your best self. Learn, explore, grow. Forge your own lightsaber.

The force will always be with you.

It has always been.

Stars Within Us

The things in our past mold us into who we are today. Sometimes in negative ways. Certain things can make us dim the stars glowing inside of our souls. We think the world won’t accept us and people won’t like the colors that we shine. We change our colors, we shut away our stars, we blend in, we fit in.

Many of us just go on with our lives with dim grey stars, often not realizing that we can shine bright and that we can do amazing things. Those who understand the flickering lights inside of them and the reasons for it can be considered lucky. They have the choice to let their stars glow. It is the choice to succumb and live with chains on their wrists or break them and enlighten even the darkest night.

It is not the stars in the sky to reach for, but to light up the Earth with your own glow and let others be blinded by your shine or be warmed up by it. Even if you are afraid of the dark, go straight into it and use the light of your stars to enlighten your path. Never walk past your dreams, but only into them. Don’t listen to the demons whispering from the shadows that you cannot do something, because you can. All you need to do is just go for it.

Let the stars within you shine.

Brightly.

Freely.

Distractions

Movies.
Shows.
Games.
Social media.

The list goes on…

So many things, demanding attention.

Distracting.

There’s no time for…

Cooking.
Exercise.
Reading.
Passion projects.

The list goes on…

What happens when the unnecessary distractions are removed from someone’s life?

Plenty of time can be found for everything when not getting lost in a game, binging yet on another show, or mindlessly scrolling through social media.

What is it that you’re looking for?

Desires, wishes and dreams are as many as there are people.

The truth is…

They can never be found in distractions.

What is truly important to you in life?

Your time is precious. Use it wisely.

Repeat After Me

I don’t have to be how you imagine me to be.

And I don’t have to wait for you to acknowledge me.

I don’t have to try and impress you.

I don’t belong with those who fail to see the real me.

And my happiness does not lie with those who don’t appreciate me.