When the stars align
And the moon shines
Maybe, maybe I’ll make you mine
Your gaze does nothing
If you’re afraid to approach
But luring me in is no easy task
Little did I know
My true nature
Has never been to serve
Bound to be King
Powerful, attractive, dangerous
Yet still kind at heart
You should see me on my throne
Approach with integrity and grace
Earn the seat beside me
Present your love
Fulfill my heart’s desire
Connect to my soul
I’m not here to rule you
Nor am I to be ruled
Emerge, embrace, unite
Take my hand
Let’s walk together
Seize most precious moments
Until the day it’s time to go
Back home, into the star clusters
Only wiser and ready to be born anew
-
-
I wanted things to happen sooner…
Faster. Quicker. Now.
And hearing the message of patience…
It made my eyes roll.
Again you tell me to wait.
How much longer can I wait?
So many years…
Just wait, wait, and wait!
The pain of waiting wasn’t nice.
But I couldn’t stop waiting.
Fortunately, I wasn’t just waiting.
I kept going forward, doing things.
There are still many things I want.
Things to achieve, to do.
Or are there?
Needless to say, it’s not a must.
I’m still waiting, and yet I’m not.
I have plans, wishes, dreams.
But instead…
I feel like taking it slow.
Results are evident.
Inside and out.
A lot of things are easier now.
Worries are fading away.
It feels like I don’t need patience anymore.
I’m enjoying what is becoming of me.
I watch myself transform.
With wonder.
I’m excited to see what’s next.
I find joy all around me.
And within me.
This is it.
I’m becoming free as I let go.
And I’m gaining more than ever.
I now know who I was always meant to be.
The wait is over. -
Oh, how beautiful you are…
My King.
Awake from your slumber…
You rise to rule.
With love and justice…
Glory you bring to us all.
Inspire the forsaken.
Wipe tears of the broken.
Your smile enlightens the Earth.
That brave heart of yours…
Freed us from our chains.
Your tears wash away our pain.
Healing wounds of the past.
Future is now ours.
Never shall we bow again.
False gods crumble before you.
The time has come…
Never again will we hide in the shadows.
With you we soar.
By your side we stand.
In the light.
Your power has no match.
The throne is yours.
Crowned before your birth.
It was always meant to be.
An eternal soul.
You showed us…
We are strong.
We are free. -
Happiness is a place in your heart.
-
I forgive myself for…
Not speaking up.
Hesitating.
Not taking action.
I forgive myself for…
Letting myself down countless times.
Not being there for myself.
Hiding, avoiding, running away.
I forgive myself for…
Not loving myself enough.
Not standing up for myself and others.
Allowing fear to control my life.
I forgive myself for…
Not being kind to myself.
Not letting my inner child roam free.
Not accepting myself as a whole.
I forgive myself for…
Holding onto pain and things for too long.
Distancing myself from the world.
Not allowing love and joy to enter my heart. -
I feel a power within me.
Incredibly powerful.
It seems as if I could move mountains and nobody could ever take me down.
Others should even be afraid instead.
It seems as if there’s a fire burning inside.
One that cannot be put out.
I feel as if I’m the most powerful in the world.
It’s difficult to describe…
An immense force.
Power.
Fire.
As if fears are melting inside it slowly, and finally burn to ashes and disappear in the wind.
And it seems like finally…
Finally, I am returning to me.
Who I always was and was meant to be.
Finally.
I am coming home.
Home.
Within my true self. -
When the sun sets
I’ll come home
Open the door into the dark
Step into silence
You’ll be sat in the light
Just how you sit in the evenings
Every day
Among voices, among sounds
Once upon a time, our home was under one roof
And the warmth held me in its embrace
Even though sometimes tears were flowing in the moonlight
It was my place
Don’t tell me you love me
When you can’t hear me
Don’t ask for betrayal
When you can’t see me
Close your eyes, listen to the beating heart
Body trapped in the grasp of fear
Chest heavy from thousands of unspoken words
Thoughts spinning in the head, never stopping
Pain did not spare anyone
But we imprisoned ourselves in cages
Wrapped in chains
And placed locks
I remember the fresh scent of a summer morning
And the scent of a starry night
Looking up at the sky, I said I was home
And nobody could’ve known what would happen in the future
Don’t tell me you love me
When you don’t respect me
Don’t ask me to change
When you can’t accept me
Standing in front of the mirror, I finally see myself
Love blooms in my eyes that I have never known
Incredible beauty and perfection before me
What seemed unattainable is finally within reach
I’ll take everything I can
Let the light caress my skin
Breathe life in, like a breath of air
Before diving into the depths of a lake
The chains are already on the ground
And the locks lie nearby
The cage doors are open
Freedom in beast’s eyes
Originally written in Lithuanian:
Laisvė žvėries akyse
Kai saulė nusileis
Aš grįšiu namo
Atidarysiu duris į tamsą
Įžengsiu į tylą
Tu sėdėsi šviesoje
Taip kaip sėdi vakarais
Kiekvieną dieną
Tarp balsų, tarp garsų
Kadaise mūsų namai buvo po vienu stogu
Ir mane glėbyje laikė šiluma
Nors kartais tyliai ašaros liejosi mėnesienoj
Tai buvo mano vieta
Nesakyk, kad myli
Kai manęs negirdi
Neprašyk išdavystės
Kai manęs matyti negali
Užsimerk, paklausyk kaip širdis plaka
Baimės gniaužtuose įkalintam kūne
Krūtinę spaudžia tūkstančiai neišsakytų žodžių
Galvoje sukasi mintys, niekada nesustoja
Skausmas nei vieno nepagailėjo
Bet save narvuose įkalinome patys
Apjuosėme grandinėmis
Ir užkabinome spynas
Atsimenu gaivų vasaros ryto orą
Ir žvaigždėtos nakties aromatą
Žiūrėdamas į dangų sakiau, kad esu namuose
Ir niekas negalėjo žinoti kas bus ateityje
Nesakyk, kad myli
Kai manęs negerbi
Neprašyk pasikeisti
Kai manęs priimti negali
Atsistojęs prieš veidrodį pagaliau matau save
Akyse žydi meilė, kurios nepažinojau niekada
Neįtikėtinas grožis ir tobulybė prieš mane
Tai kas atrodė nepasiekiama, pagaliau pasiekiama ranka
Aš pasiimsiu viską ką galiu
Leisiu šviesai glamonėti mano odą
Įkvėpsiu gyvenimą tarsi oro gurkšnį
Prieš neriant į ežero gelmes
Grandinės jau ant žemės
Ir spynos guli šalia
Narvo durys atviros
Laisvė žvėries akyse -
Being myself feels like a quest of a lifetime.
Loving myself.
Staying true to myself.
Showing up for myself.
Standing up for myself.
It’s one of the hardest things to do—shining my own light in a world that keeps trying to shove me into a box and close it tight. I may not stand out. I may not be myself. Being me is wrong. My whole existence is wrong. Not normal.
I’ve failed so many times. I didn’t stand up for myself. I did not speak up. I’ve been afraid. I still am at times.
And that’s okay.
I’m learning. I’ve never loved myself like this before.
I often fail to look back and recognize how far I’ve come. Despite the fear and hesitation. I did do a lot of things to make sure that my light doesn’t fade into the grey thick fog or gets boxed up forever.
I am brave.
I am incredibly grateful for all the blessings in my life and all the people I’ve met who showed me kindness and provided support. On this journey of mine.
I am so powerful.
I couldn’t see it before. So strong and powerful that it’s almost hard to believe. A side of me that has been locked away inside me. Crucial to make me whole. Now becoming free.
Exploring the depths of me.
So incredibly beautiful. -
Healing…
When had it begun?
With my first breath?
After the first hit?
Realization of how wrong it all was?
Or was it written?
Woven by destiny.
A child will be born.
One day.
To end the pain.
To cleanse the blood.
Fated to remember.
Love.
Let the hatred fade.
Screams to cease.
Tears to dry.
Healing…
Heart.
Body.
Past.
Future.
Now.
Seeing beauty.
Finding joy.
Savouring the moment.
Embracing life. -
I wash my hands at the sink.
And I look up.
Those eyes…
Looking back at me.
I trace my face with my gaze.
It looks so surreal.
So good.
So damn good.
The feeling…
I can’t explain.
On the edge…
At the doorstep of something amazing.
A new life awaits.
I can almost touch it.
So strong.
So powerful.
It’s kind of scary.
Yet so exciting.
Am I finally truly free?
Truly me.
I walk out of the bathroom.
I turn the light off.
The door remains open.
The old chapter is closing.
Still so much to discover, to explore.
I am ready.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Life.
Mine.
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