A town I used to call home.
Somehow feels so foreign now.
And my parents’ house…
It just feels tired now.
No longer cozy.
And it’s as if everything’s familiar…
But there’s no feeling of nostalgia.
I tiny piece inside me feels betrayal.
Even more so, now I want to say…
It’s not home.
It’s not my home.
Even if I used to love it so much as a kid.
Now I just feel like a guest.
A guest who’s been there many times before.
And this was just another visit.
That child from long ago wonders…
How can I do this?
Leave nothing?
Not a single piece of my heart?
Forever.
How can I feel like this?
How can it be?
But not to me.
Not to who I am today.
I just want to…
Gently.
With love.
To let it go.
All of it.
Tag: Poetry
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Don’t be sad.
Your biggest love is right here.
With you.
Always.
The love of your life.
You. -
A while ago I felt him awaken within me.
For the longest time, he slept.
Caged and chained.
He’s free now, I thought.
I’ve let him go, but I still put a leash on him.
I guess, I was afraid to let him roam.
Completely free to go anywhere he wants.
Do whatever he wants.
Oh, and he’s got no fear.
Thoughts and opinions of others mean nothing.
He’s freedom itself.
One I’ve desired for so, so long.
I’ve come to love him.
Stronger and deeper with time.
He has no concept of perfection.
Or ownership.
He’s got the courage to take what he wants and needs.
But he doesn’t need to be brave.
He doesn’t need to be anything.
He just is.
Thus, he can have it all.
He has it all.
Judgement haunts me, but is nothing to him.
My beliefs stop me.
While he believes in nothing.
He doesn’t need to.
So what happens if I truly let go?
I know that a lot of amazing things will come.
But it’s a special feeling that pushes me forward.
I feel him rise.
As he does, so do I.
A feeling so strong.
So extremely powerful.
Like a broken dam that can no longer hold the flow of a river.
My thoughts, fears, anxiety.
The way I judge myself.
My desire to be good, so I can be seen as good by others.
Be loved by others.
It’s all just broken pieces of what I thought I should be.
No longer capable of stopping who I am.
It’s time to level up.
I no longer fit in this box.
Never was supposed to.
It’s not easy.
Uncomfortable.
Even painful at times.
But it’s just so damn incredible.
To feel this power.
To know I’m more than I ever thought I could be.
His leash.
It must go.
Life.
Let it flow. -
She’s calling me back.
The sea.
To where it all began.
My first home.
I don’t know why.
It pulls my heart.
She whispers to my soul.
I must go.
Never really felt like this.
Not about this place.
Nostalgia, is it?
Or is it… Something else?
The waves sing to me.
The sand warms my skin.
I’m standing before her.
The Baltic Sea. -
When the stars align
And the moon shines
Maybe, maybe I’ll make you mine
Your gaze does nothing
If you’re afraid to approach
But luring me in is no easy task
Little did I know
My true nature
Has never been to serve
Bound to be King
Powerful, attractive, dangerous
Yet still kind at heart
You should see me on my throne
Approach with integrity and grace
Earn the seat beside me
Present your love
Fulfill my heart’s desire
Connect to my soul
I’m not here to rule you
Nor am I to be ruled
Emerge, embrace, unite
Take my hand
Let’s walk together
Seize most precious moments
Until the day it’s time to go
Back home, into the star clusters
Only wiser and ready to be born anew -
Oh, how beautiful you are…
My King.
Awake from your slumber…
You rise to rule.
With love and justice…
Glory you bring to us all.
Inspire the forsaken.
Wipe tears of the broken.
Your smile enlightens the Earth.
That brave heart of yours…
Freed us from our chains.
Your tears wash away our pain.
Healing wounds of the past.
Future is now ours.
Never shall we bow again.
False gods crumble before you.
The time has come…
Never again will we hide in the shadows.
With you we soar.
By your side we stand.
In the light.
Your power has no match.
The throne is yours.
Crowned before your birth.
It was always meant to be.
An eternal soul.
You showed us…
We are strong.
We are free. -
When the sun sets
I’ll come home
Open the door into the dark
Step into silence
You’ll be sat in the light
Just how you sit in the evenings
Every day
Among voices, among sounds
Once upon a time, our home was under one roof
And the warmth held me in its embrace
Even though sometimes tears were flowing in the moonlight
It was my place
Don’t tell me you love me
When you can’t hear me
Don’t ask for betrayal
When you can’t see me
Close your eyes, listen to the beating heart
Body trapped in the grasp of fear
Chest heavy from thousands of unspoken words
Thoughts spinning in the head, never stopping
Pain did not spare anyone
But we imprisoned ourselves in cages
Wrapped in chains
And placed locks
I remember the fresh scent of a summer morning
And the scent of a starry night
Looking up at the sky, I said I was home
And nobody could’ve known what would happen in the future
Don’t tell me you love me
When you don’t respect me
Don’t ask me to change
When you can’t accept me
Standing in front of the mirror, I finally see myself
Love blooms in my eyes that I have never known
Incredible beauty and perfection before me
What seemed unattainable is finally within reach
I’ll take everything I can
Let the light caress my skin
Breathe life in, like a breath of air
Before diving into the depths of a lake
The chains are already on the ground
And the locks lie nearby
The cage doors are open
Freedom in beast’s eyes
Originally written in Lithuanian:
Laisvė žvėries akyse
Kai saulė nusileis
Aš grįšiu namo
Atidarysiu duris į tamsą
Įžengsiu į tylą
Tu sėdėsi šviesoje
Taip kaip sėdi vakarais
Kiekvieną dieną
Tarp balsų, tarp garsų
Kadaise mūsų namai buvo po vienu stogu
Ir mane glėbyje laikė šiluma
Nors kartais tyliai ašaros liejosi mėnesienoj
Tai buvo mano vieta
Nesakyk, kad myli
Kai manęs negirdi
Neprašyk išdavystės
Kai manęs matyti negali
Užsimerk, paklausyk kaip širdis plaka
Baimės gniaužtuose įkalintam kūne
Krūtinę spaudžia tūkstančiai neišsakytų žodžių
Galvoje sukasi mintys, niekada nesustoja
Skausmas nei vieno nepagailėjo
Bet save narvuose įkalinome patys
Apjuosėme grandinėmis
Ir užkabinome spynas
Atsimenu gaivų vasaros ryto orą
Ir žvaigždėtos nakties aromatą
Žiūrėdamas į dangų sakiau, kad esu namuose
Ir niekas negalėjo žinoti kas bus ateityje
Nesakyk, kad myli
Kai manęs negerbi
Neprašyk pasikeisti
Kai manęs priimti negali
Atsistojęs prieš veidrodį pagaliau matau save
Akyse žydi meilė, kurios nepažinojau niekada
Neįtikėtinas grožis ir tobulybė prieš mane
Tai kas atrodė nepasiekiama, pagaliau pasiekiama ranka
Aš pasiimsiu viską ką galiu
Leisiu šviesai glamonėti mano odą
Įkvėpsiu gyvenimą tarsi oro gurkšnį
Prieš neriant į ežero gelmes
Grandinės jau ant žemės
Ir spynos guli šalia
Narvo durys atviros
Laisvė žvėries akyse -
Healing…
When had it begun?
With my first breath?
After the first hit?
Realization of how wrong it all was?
Or was it written?
Woven by destiny.
A child will be born.
One day.
To end the pain.
To cleanse the blood.
Fated to remember.
Love.
Let the hatred fade.
Screams to cease.
Tears to dry.
Healing…
Heart.
Body.
Past.
Future.
Now.
Seeing beauty.
Finding joy.
Savouring the moment.
Embracing life. -
I wash my hands at the sink.
And I look up.
Those eyes…
Looking back at me.
I trace my face with my gaze.
It looks so surreal.
So good.
So damn good.
The feeling…
I can’t explain.
On the edge…
At the doorstep of something amazing.
A new life awaits.
I can almost touch it.
So strong.
So powerful.
It’s kind of scary.
Yet so exciting.
Am I finally truly free?
Truly me.
I walk out of the bathroom.
I turn the light off.
The door remains open.
The old chapter is closing.
Still so much to discover, to explore.
I am ready.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Life.
Mine. -
I miss something I never had.
I wonder what it’s like.
All those experiences.
All those feelings.
A life I never touched.
Flavours I never tasted.
All those roads and paths.
All those choices.
The lines that never intertwined.
Lives that never touched.
Words unheard, unspoken.
Lost and never found.
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